The Birth Story

What brings me here today, almost 15 months after the birth of our first child, Lidia Louise? The truth is that I've been working on this specific post here and there for over a year. I have had to make sure every detail was correct and no emotion was left over-looked. After all that has culminated in the posts before, I felt I would be doing my readers an injustice if I left out even one small bit of information. And let's be honest here - raising our child has sucked up just about every minute of free time on my hands. But, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Here it is. Unedited. Uncensored. Beautiful. This is the story of Lidia's birth.As you can tell from my previous post, I was rather unhappy with the delay in Lidia's arrival. I had done everything I could think of to urge her on to this world, but she was not budging. I had planned on going into work the week following her due date, but I woke up that Tuesday morning and wasn't feeling good. I felt that this could be the day, so I officially started my maternity leave. It turns out I was just feeling ill from the entire pineapple I had eaten the day before. So all day Tuesday, Wednesday, and half the day on Thursday I worked from home. I sat on my birth ball, went on walks, and prayed to God that Lidia would arrive before my scheduled induction. I honestly didn't have much hope that my prayers would be answered. Not that I didn't have faith, but sometimes God has plans for us that are better than what we would prefer. On Wednesday, Jason and I went to our last doctor's appointment and everything checked out just the same as it had been the appointment before. Of course I cried to the nurse and the doctor and they both assured me that I wouldn't be pregnant forever. For all the rants I have been on about not wanting to be induced, I begged my doctor to just start the process now. I had given up on my body naturally going into labor. As fate would have it, the Doctor stated that she would not be able to induce me, strip membranes, etc. until the scheduled induction. I hung my head low and walked out of the doctor's office with little hope that Lidia would be coming soon.

After working from home on Thursday morning, I decided to get out of the house and do some shopping. Shopping always cheers me up! Plus, I had received an e-mail from a spa I go to stating that they were doing hour massages for the half-hour price. I signed myself up for a pregnancy massage later that afternoon and off I went. I went to Dillards first to buy some make-up and lucky me, it was bonus time at Clinique! I then went up to Aveda and purchased some hair care items. The women there asked me when I was due and after I told them I was overdue, they looked scared and said, "I hope your hospital is close!" I wasn't concerned, though, and I kept shopping. I then went to the Children's Place and got this incredibly cute winter outfit for Lidia. In a much better mood, I headed to my massage appointment. While in the waiting room, Jason called and I failed to mention to him where I was. He gets a little upset when I spend money on massages - my plan was to tell him about the massage when I was in labor so he wouldn't be able to be mad at me! As I walked into the massage room, I explained to the therapist that I wanted to go into labor and told her to NOT avoid the labor-inducing pressure points. The massage was amazing - I felt so refreshed afterwards.

On my way home from my massage, I had to talk some coworkers through an issue at work and then I stopped at Servati's for a pretzel. I made it home around 4 pm and collapsed on the couch with my puppies to take a nap. An hour and a half later, I woke up with terrible menstrual-like cramps. I was pretty sure that these cramps were not labor, so I just took it easy and watched TV and played on the Internet. At about 6:30, the cramps were still present and I felt a little unsure of whether labor was imminent or not. I called Jason at work 2 times and did not get an answer. I could tell he was hitting the "ignore" button on his phone. Of all the times I have called him before thinking that I was in labor, I really can't blame him for not thinking it was urgent. After I called him the third time, he answered and I explained what was going on. He said he would head home from work to be with me. A half hour later Jason called me back and asked me how I was doing, I replied "fine" and asked him if he was on his way home. He said he was just about to leave. Just about to leave?! Apparently I had cried wolf one too many times. Jason got home and stayed by my side throughout the night. I was going back and forth between thinking I was in labor and thinking it was false labor again. I wasn't really having true contractions at this point - they were just constant menstrual-like cramps that were slowly intensifying. We went upstairs to make sure all of our bags were packed. I spoke to my parents and put them on alert. Then it was the waiting game.

I sat and rocked in the rocking chair while watching the first football game of the 2009 season - the Steelers! They actually weren't playing that well and I wasn't able to pay much attention anyway. The rest of the night at home was pretty much a blur. By this time, it was close to 9:30 or 10 pm. I had begun to loose all concept of time. The dogs could definitely tell there was something about to happen as they were nervous and watching my every move. I decided to call the doctor on call at that point. As mentioned earlier, we went to a practice that consisted of 7 female doctors. We liked them all, but there were definitely some we preferred over others. The doctor on call happened to be one of the ones we could have done without. She said that based on the fact that I was having contractions and I was overdue, then I should probably come to the hospital. Since she wasn't 100% convinced I was in labor, we decided to wait around a little while longer. Then about an hour later, the sign I had been waiting for came. I went to the bathroom (remember, this is uncensored) and a gush of blood appeared. This was a HUGE sign that it was here - I had no doubt that I was in labor. I was so excited/nervous that I began shaking. I screamed to Jason to get the bags ready to go - a process that felt like it took an hour.
It's Go Time
On our way to the hospital, Jason and I both called our parents to let them know we were on our way. The phone tree must have been started immediately because about 2 minutes after the phone call to Jason's parents, I had already gotten an e-mail from his sister-in-law! Now, here's a fact that is important to know about me. No matter how joyous the occasion, when I am stressed, I am not a happy person. When we got off of the highway I was quoted as yelling, "Com'on Jason this isn't a joyride!"
As we were approaching the hospital, I saw in the distance police car lights flashing. As we came closer, the road that we needed to continue on to get to the hospital was blocked off. "Are you kidding me?!" I screamed. I rolled down my window and beckoned one of the officers to me. "Can you please let us go through. I am in labor!" He scrunched his face at me and said, "Uh oh. That's not good. Go right ahead," and then walkie-talked to his buddies to signal us through.
We finally got to the hospital and weaved through the halls and up elevators to arrive at triage. They sat me down, took my insurance card, and ushered me back to a room that Jason was not allowed to go in. Here they asked me if I was being abused (a standard procedure, I later find out) and I replied by saying, "At this point I think you better be asking my husband that question!" The nurse put the contraction monitor around my belly as well as checked my dilation - 3 cm. Sure enough, I was in active labor. She got the OK from the doctor to admit me and a huge sense of relief came over me. Finally...our baby is on her way!
Let the Fun Begin
By this time, it was around 11:30 pm and Jason had entered the room and told me the good news - the Steelers had won their home opener! One of the first things the triage nurse wanted to do is hook me up to IV fluids. I politely declined and she said abruptly, "Oh, you're going to be one of those women." I was not offended by this, but just smiled and shook my head yes. After trying 3 times to find a good vein to put my port in, she had to call in another nurse to do the job. My doctor OK'ed the no IV fluids, but insisted that I have a port put in my arm in case of an emergency. A port is just a needle head into your arm with no tubing attached. They had it taped up so it wouldn't be moving anywhere.

To the Birthing Suite We Go
At this point, the hospital gown was already on and full, active labor had begun. The triage nurse walked us to our room - which was amazing - and introduced us to our first labor and delivery nurse. She was as sweet as could be as I explained to her our plan of natural, unmedicated birth. She didn't ridicule me or give me a look of "yeah right we'll see if that actually happens," a look that we got from many others. Very soon after we got to the room, the doctor came into see us. Her name was Dr. LeMasters. I told her our plans of having an unmedicated birth and she said, "If I would have known that I would have had you stay at home longer." A look of horror came over my face and I think she noticed. She quickly said, "I can break your water to make labor come more quickly." I agreed with no hesitation. She checked my dilation and I had already dilated another cm. I was 4 cm now when an hour earlier I was only 3. This was good news! She predicted the baby being born around 9 am.
The Water Breaking
Yes, they are right when they tell you the tool they use to manually break a woman's water is like a crochet hook. It didn't hurt when she reached the hook inside to break the water - the only thing I felt was pressure. And then a gush of liquid. The Doctor and nurse studied the liquid and told me something I was not happy to hear - the amniotic fluid had meconnium in it. In layman's terms - Lidia had pooped in the womb. The NICU was immediately notified because a newborn can get very sick from this. It wasn't anything to be particularly worried about, but it just meant she now had a strict deadline of when she needed to be born.
When I pictured someones water breaking, I pictured it happening all at once. This, however, is not the case. The body continues to produce amniotic fluid even after the water has been broken. It was the most uncomfortable feeling to be leaking fluid constantly. The hospital supplied me with these disposable underwear. I'm not afraid to say that I went through at least 10 pairs in the amount of time I was in the labor and delivery room (I also stole about 2 weeks worth to take home with me!).
By this time, both sets of parents were on their way to the hospital. My parents had a 4 hour drive and Jason's parents were already almost there since they lived only an hour away. Little did both sets of parents know that they didn't need to rush (that's a little bit of foreshadowing).
The Contractions
For every contraction that I had, I grabbed onto Jason and clenched my teeth together. They were unlike anything that I had ever felt in my lifetime. Contractions are like menstrual cramps - times 100. Men can maybe compare contractions to getting hit you-know-where about 20 times repeatedly. The pain gradually comes on, peaks, and then slowly fades away. I spent most of the first part of my labor on a birth ball - which is just like an exercise ball. In hindsight, I really should have been up moving around. But, I needed to do anything I could to make the pain go away. Being on the birth ball was the most comfortable position for me. At one point, I was on the bed with my butt up in the air, but that position didn't last long. Jason was with me constantly, taking all my whining and snappiness in stride. He tried massaging me, talking to me about Lidia and trying to do just about anything to get my mind off of the pain. I was ungrateful for most of the time - wanting not to be touched or talked to. One of the worst parts of the whole experience was having mine and Lidia's vitals checked every hour. Because I opted to forgo the epidural, I was not hooked up to anything. I was free to move around and to get into any position that felt good. When it was time for vital check, I had to sit in one place while many apparatuses were strapped to me. This process took about 10 minutes each time. And each time it was completely miserable.
Dilation - or Lack Thereof
There is a reason why many woman who do natural births opt not to have their dilation checked during labor. I decided that I had reached a point that I could no longer take it. I needed to know how far I had dilated because I felt like I had been working so hard. I thought that I had to be so close to 9 cm, and hearing that I was close would motivate me to labor on. So, despite trying to talk me out of it, the nurse checked my dilation at around 5 a.m. By this time, I had been in labor for 12 hours, give or take a few. I had to be close. When I heard the number - that stinky, nasty number - I gasped. 5 cm. 5 CENTIMETERS! My dwindling motivation at this point was just about at none. I could not believe that I had only dilated 1 centimeter in 5 hours. I was beyond hopeless at this point. However, I still had it in me to keep going. I don't know who suggested it, but to the shower I went.
Wash It All Away
There is something I can't explain about the power of the shower. I was in the shower for at least 4 hours. I had the heat up pretty darn high and the water pressure beating down on my lower back and then my belly. For every contraction, I grasped the shower bar so tight that my arms were sore for days after. Jason sat quietly in the bathroom the whole time. I don't remember clear details from the shower, but I do remember looking at him sitting down, head in his hands. I remember thinking how difficult it must be to see his love go through all this pain and not be able to do a damn thing for me. He helped me dry off each time the nurse had to get me to check my vitals. Time went by while I was in the shower. Life went on outside of the little haven I found. For me, time seemed to stand still as I was praying furiously to God for him to end this pain. Then, like clock work, the nurse got me out to do the oh-so-favorite vital check. That's when everything changed.
There is No Gold Medal
There had been a shift change in nurses and doctors by this time. I would say it was around 8 or 9 a.m. According to the first doctor (who I had not seen since she broke my water), I should have had this baby by now. My dilation hadn't been checked since 5 a.m. The joking, optimistic Amy was nowhere to be seen. I had been beaten down to literally nothing. I didn't even have enough energy to raise my head. I sunk down to the floor and at this point the nurse and the new doctor, Dr. Rinala, got down to my level. One on my left side and one on my right side. Dr. Rinala was one of our favorite Doctors. I didn't even have enough energy to realize how lucky we were to have her as the Doctor who would be delivering our child. She was the first doctor we saw at the practice. She was very young for a doctor - early 30s - and had this energy that just radiated from her. She was very smart and I trusted her. She sat there and told me that no one is given a gold medal for going through labor and delivery unmedicated. She told me that if I kept on going like I had been, then I would have no energy to push the baby out. The nurse was sitting right next to me, letting me know that she, too, tried to go unmedicated. She reached a certain point where she said "Enough is enough," and opted for the epidural. I looked and Jason and I knew. I knew that I couldn't last any longer without the dreaded epidural. I had run a 5K when I was 5 months pregnant and made it to the finish line without walking. I would definitely finish this race, but I was going to have to walk.
Optimistic and Witty
The tears started to fall and I could not hide my disappointment with myself. I decided to opt for the epidural after 17 hours of labor. Once that decision was made, I wanted it right then. Something they forgot to tell me in my birthing class is that you have to have an entire liter of IV fluids in you before you can get an epidural. This is not a short process. I can without doubt say that this was the most painful and grueling part of the whole labor and delivery. I had to sit there, hooked up to the IV fluid, unable to move much at all. My contractions at this point felt like someone was taking a 2x4 and hitting me repeatedly in my belly as hard as possible. Finally, after about an hour, the IV fluids were in. The anesthesiologist came by and asked if he could attend to someone before me. The nurse looked at me as I was having a contraction and looked frantically at him. She told him abruptly that I needed my epidural yesterday. He got the picture, grabbed his cart, and got me all ready for my drugs. The epidural was a fairly easy process. I can't quite explain it at this point because honestly, I forget it. But it wasn't painful at all. After the epidural was in, it was instant relief. There was honestly no more pain. My joking and optimism came back. I felt like I had just gotten a burst of energy. Here's the kicker - right after the epidural, the nurse decided to check my dilation. I was at 8 cm at this point. Really?! I had only 1 more cm to go and I could start pushing. In hindsight, I sometimes wish that I would have stuck it out without the epidural for a little longer. I know that everything happens for a reason and I think the epidural was just what I needed to speed things along. I was fighting my contractions instead of working through them. I was tensing up and wishing they would go away instead of finding a way to work in harmony with them. The only intervention that could have helped me move things along was the epidural, and for that I am thankful. The next couple hours Jason and I rested. Then, it was go time.
Pushing for Life
When the nurse told me it was time to push, I had no idea what to do. I could not feel one ounce of a contraction, so I had no idea when to push or how to push. We had to rely on the monitor to let us know when I was having a contraction. She coached Jason and I through the pushing process. It seemed fairly simple - she grabbed a leg, Jason grabbed a leg, and then all I had to do was push. That was my one job. Surely, Lidia was within a hour of being born, I could just feel it. And the nurse could, too - she literally felt Lidia's head. Well, I pushed, pushed harder, pushed some more, and still no Lidia. After an hour of pushing had passed, the nurse recommended that we turn down the epidural. Perhaps Lidia wasn't budging because I couldn't quite feel where to direct my pushing. Just about as quick as the epidural was turned down, I had it turned back up. The pain that had been washed away came crashing back. I wasn't ready to go down that road again so the epidural was back on. Then I pushed and pushed and pushed. It was around 3:30 by this time and Dr. Rinala could see the utter exhaustion written all over my face. She knew how long we had been fighting this battle - almost 24 hours at this point. She again made a recommendation - that she would assist the birth of Lidia with forceps. She would have to do an episiotomy as well. The top three bolded items on my birth plan: NO EPIDURAL, NO EPISIOTMY, and NO FORCEPS. At this point, I was up for anything. After over 3 hours of pushing, I had NO energy left in me. Actually, I had enough energy for one more push - and then with the help of the forceps, she was finally here.

Why Isn't She Crying?
Lidia came out very quickly. Jason cut the cord and she was placed on my stomach for about 3-5 seconds and immediately wisked away from me. A wave of panic came over me because I didn't hear her cry. I asked the doctor with tears in my eyes, "Why isn't she crying?!" The doctor assured me that she was fine and she would eventually cry. There were close to 10 nurses/doctors in the room as Lidia was getting ready to be born waiting to take her away. Because of the meconnium in the amniotic fluid, she had to be sucked and cleaned and pricted and prodded. Then, the crying begun. It was such a relief to hear that sweet little newborn cry of hers. After about 15 minutes, I finally got her back in my arms and Jason and I just stared at her beauty. She was perfect. We immediately noticed her big, beautiful eyes and her lucscious, plump lips. She had big hands, too - Jason said they were perfect for basketball and I said they were perfect for playing the piano. Grandpa Danzo was the first to notice the tinge of red in her hair that she still has to this day. She was everything we had envisioned her to be - and more.
Maternal Guilt
The doctors were right when they told me early on in my pregnancy that my maternal guilt would start before Lidia was even born. I never wanted to be responsible for any issues that Lidia may have had. I wanted to say that I did everything to produce a healthy, happy baby. After we got situated in the post-natal room, a nurse came in to check Lidia. She checked her heartbeat and heard something that she didn't like. She casually told me that she was going to take Lidia and have a doctor check her out real quick. The nurse came back to our room without Lidia and stated that Lidia had a heart murmur. I immediately started crying and asked about a million questions. I immediately blamed myself and said it must have been something I had done. The nurse didn't have many answers and we waited for literally hours before we got to see our baby girl again. We got updates, and we tried to sleep, but nothing could relieve the worry that I had. Finally, Lidia's fabulous pediatrician, Dr. Papas, came to save the day. If any of you watch Private Practice, Dr. Papas reminds me exactly of Cooper on this show. Anyways, the doctor said that the murmur is there, but it would correct itself over time. He said that this type of thing is very common in newborns - he talked some mumbo jumbo doctor talk about the lungs and the heart and blah blah blah. The only thing I fixated on was that she was fine. Lidia was brought back into our room and he said we had a perfectly healthy baby girl. The rest of the time in the hospital was spent thanking God for blessing us with such a perfect human being. She was, and is still, perfect.
And the story of the first year of our little gem's life? Well, it can be summed up by this quote by Jennifer Armitage:
"And she is beautiful, our daughter, only six months, but a person. She turns to look at everything, out walking. All so precious. I musn't disturb it with words."
So here I leave you with no words, but a 15 minute video montage of Lidia's first year of life. Stay tuned for baby #2's blog...whenever the good Lord decides to bless us again.