All About Us
I spoke to my mom this morning and she was disappointed to have logged onto her Internet in anticipation of reading the weekly blog only to have found no updates. I asked her, "How does it feel to expect something on a certain day and not get it?" Not that I didn't do the blog yesterday to spite anyone, but I honestly just didn't feel up to it. This Labor Day is turning out to be not so much of a picnic. And yes, I'm whiny and grumpy and all the other adjectives you can come up with to describe a woman who has gone past her due date. I know, I know I can hear what's going through all of your heads right now, "It's only been a day past," and "She'll come when she's ready." Believe me, I have heard it all. Just take a step back and think of something that you have been looking forward to for 40 weeks - 4o WEEKS - and then it does not happen. It's extremely disappointing, isn't it? And let us add into the mix the constant pain and pressure, the utter exhaustion, and the emotional roller-coaster. Jason and I were convinced that this little girl was going to be in our arms early and instead she will be late. Jason asked me if I had a feeling that she would come this week and I said I honestly do not know anymore. All of my instincts and feelings have been wrong this entire pregnancy - I didn't think I was pregnant at first, I thought for sure Lidia was a boy, and I thought she would arrive early. I hope my mothering instincts are a lot better than these instincts have been.
I think the most frustrating part of this whole thing is that there is no straight answer to anything regarding the time-frame of labor. I have researched the Internet high and low on typical pregnancies and labor. While there is a set standard, there are many variations. Yes, 50% of women go past their due date, but why? Why do 50% of women deliver before their due date? There is no answer to that. And of the 50% that go after their due date, how long after do they go? Does labor happen naturally or do most of these women end up getting induced? Which is better, to induce at 41 weeks or to go to past that point? There are so many unanswered questions out there, which is why I can only put my faith in the good Lord above. I can only pray furiously that this baby will arrive before our scheduled induction on September 13th. This scheduled induction is another factor that has got us in a frenzy. Many women are induced - my mom was with me, Jason's mom was. It's not that I don't want to be induced but it seems like a week is too soon. Jason and I may talk our doctor into giving Lidia a couple more days. My body has been able to house and nurture this healthy, amazing baby so far, I just feel like we're giving up on it by inducing so early. Don't get me wrong, I am ready to meet my baby girl! But if we are going to play God here and pick her birthday, I'd rather give her and my body more time to make it happen naturally. Then, if it doesn't happen, juice me up with as much Pitocin as needed.
And yes, the Pitocin would completely ruin our plan of an unmedicated birth so I will be disappointed. I told Jason that I want to be able to say that I did everything humanly possible in this pregnancy, labor, and delivery to produce a healthy baby. I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to our babies - just look at how I am with our dogs! So of course nothing less should be expected of me when it comes to our own baby. This plan of ours has a little bit to do with us and everything to do with Lidia. If a doctor could tell us that in no way, shape, or form would the medication affect our baby, we would be all for it. Bring on the Pitocin and Epidural, please! But that cannot be guaranteed, so here we stand in ambivalence land.
So, Jason and I will both return to work tomorrow and go on as we have been for the past 40 weeks. Just know that we will not be completely 100% happy until this little one is safely in our arms.
You're Done Cooking!
Hey pretty lady, the timer went off yesterday, didn't you hear it? It's time for you to come out! Yes, mommy is a bit grumpy lately but it is certainly not your fault and I do not hold it against you. Mommy has been doing all kinds of things to urge you out, but for some reason mommy's body is not catching on. Right now it is so cute - you are moving all around and Ava has her head on my tummy just sleeping away, despite being jostled by you. You are going to be the most amazing baby, your daddy and I just know it. It is obvious that mommy cannot wait to meet you, since I am the one who writes the blog every week. But your daddy is just as excited. Everyday he talks to you and tells you how much he loves you and how he cannot wait to hold and kiss you. I want you to know that you are the topic of most of our discussions and we daydream about you all day long. I think that is what makes this waiting game so hard - because we are just so gosh darn anxious to see your beautiful face! We have got the cutest outfit planned for your first trip home. One thing I know for sure is that you will be the most stylish little baby around!
Well, now is the time for your daddy and I to take our 3 mile journey filled with hills to hopefully get you in the right position. If it's one thing I'm sure of, we will definitely be seeing you next week, if not sooner! We love you baby girl!
The Birth Story
11 years ago